Mans Wisdom

I promised myself that if I started blogging, I wouldn't journal... my journal is separate, and stored in my "concept81" folder on my desktop... but I am thinking about posting one of my journal entries in the future, just to see what kind of reviews it would receive, I like journaling because it tracks my headspace at a point in time. So this is a warning, I may post one of my journal entries in the future... not now though... originally I meant for my blog to be a medium for satire, since one of my greater loves is satire. Unfortunately I've drifted away from comedy since I left the States. But I had a discussion with myself, and resolved my blog issues by deciding: I will blog about what's going on where I am, what I'm doing, and what's happening around me... A climate as it were, of what's happening where I am. To season this, I decided to throw in intermittent artists that I'm a fan of. Today, I show case the art of Jack Handy. Earlier I posted some of my "deep thoughts" which were a shadow of one of my heroes of satire. It was during my early high school years, watching SNL when I discovered the literary works of Jack Handy, and my idea of comedy would forever be changed, without further ado:

Deep Thoughts

Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the person is you're talking to. Then, on the way out, slam the door.

I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.

If I could be any bird, I would be a penguin. Because then I could walk around on my own two feet with a bunch of other guys who looked just like me.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

If I ever do a book on the Congo, I hope I am able to bring a certain lightheartedness to the subject, in a way that tells the reader “we are going to have fun with this thing.”

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kinda scary. I've wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

To us, it might look like just a rag. But to the brave, embattled men of the fort, it was more than that. It was a flag of surrender. And after that, it was torn up and used for shoe-shine rags, so the men would look nice for the surrender.

If you were a gladiator in olden days, I bet the inefficiency of how the gladiator fights were organized and scheduled, would just drive you up a wall.

We like to praise birds for flying. But how much of it is actually flying, and how much of it is just sort of coasting from the previous flap?

I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.

Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.

People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is the preening.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to aim a gun at me, let alone fire it. And you know what I'm doing while they're aiming it at me? I just sort of slip off to the side, and then suddenly run up and kick the gun out of their hands.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, 'What was THAT?!'

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, 'Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?' or 'Do you have that $50 you borrowed?' Man, quit being so cheap!

I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size, and we would get together and dig tunnels down into the ground, and live there. But don't ever call us 'ants,' because we hate that.

When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, they gathered together one evening, slapped each other on the back and said, 'Hey, good job.'

If you ever go temporarily insane, don't shoot somebody, like a lot of people do. Instead, try to get some weeding done, because you'd really be surprised.

You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. (P.S. This also works with men.)

Sometimes I think the world has gone completely mad. And then I think, 'Aw, who cares?' And then I think, 'Hey, what's for supper?'

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.