So I have a good mix of single and married friends. But what constantly amazes me is how messed up they are. Totally joking (do you think tj can replace jk? Time will tell :twt). Actually, whenever single people happen to be Christian, dialogues of marriedness and singleness seem to emerge after a bit of time. I was always struck by this, because amongst my non-Christian colleagues it almost never came up. Rather, the topic of dating and marriage only came up when I was among Christian singles. Now, when Trina and I are hanging out with other married couples the conversation naturally never comes up. Which brings me to this point: There are a few writers that I check out every month to see what they are writing about. I am naturally drawn to their stuff. Occasionally they write things that I’m not super into, then sometimes, I love what they are writing and how they write. Some are Christian some are not. Here is a piece worthy of scrutiny on the subject of Singles in the Christian demographic written by a talented 20 something writer. Read the questions, dialogue about it in small groups, or coffee shops.
Here are my quick answers: I don't perceive singles as lacking any more than any other demographic. I find myself thinking that "they should be married..." but I don't know why I do that, and I don't agree with that thought.
I don't match make, I bring everyone, single married into my fam which is currently: Trina, me, the freak, Sam, and Jack Jack.
I take them as they are, I never encourage anyone toward marriage. I think singles are often the heroes of ministry. Well, this post will go to long if I tried to answer them all. Even with shortys. Enough out of me!
The post follows:
Having just had a profound conversation with some roommates about the issue of being single, I find that it's left me with some interesting thoughts and questions.
The cast: A 23 year old girl, a 27 year old girl, a 27 year old guy, and me.
All are smart, funny, attractive, interesting, Jesus-loving people who are very serious about their purpose in life and their faith. All have character, and I'm sure all have made a fair number of mistakes in life, but none to a degree that would disqualify them from being married.
None have "the gift" of celibacy
All are very aware of the fact that they're not married. None picture them self as being single for life.
The conversation: Pretty typical for a bunch of single people to have. Discussion about who to date, who they find interesting, who finds them interesting, who they have dated, and why British accents are so much sexier than normal accents. A common conversation, but this one left me thinking a little deeper.
Perhaps it's because one of us pointed out the fact that there are more Christian women than men, and if Christian women are faithful to biblical ideals, some of them will likely remain single because of that; a sobering statement. I think, if you're not Christian, you can probably substitute "christian men and women" with "good men and women" and substitute "biblical ideals" with "common sense", and the same thing applies.
I'm never sure if this is a good conversation to have. But I find that women struggle with this more than men, because they often see themselves in a place with less control over the situation (i.e., they lack the freedom to pursue men). So I always engage this conversation because among other things, I long to find a way to empower single girls to have more influence in this area; plus the conversation seems to be generally cathartic.
The questions: These come to mind.
If you're single and not sure if that's a good thing:
why do you think this is? What choices have you made that have affected your current state?
where do you interact with God on the issue? Do you have a peace concerning his will for you? Do you completely trust that he will bring you to the right place in the right time? Are you content? Should you be content?
Who do you interact with and how do you interact with them? Do you have mostly single friends? Married friends? A good combination of both? What are the consequences of your social interactions?
If you're married:
How do you perceive single people? Do you see them as lacking in some way or as whole people? Do you wish they were married? Why?
Do you find yourself trying to do matchmaking with single people or do you bring them into your own life and family? Or some combination of both?
How do you interact with them? Do you urge them toward marriage or take them just as they are? Do you consider single people as a significant part of your ministry or do you find them awkward and don't really know what to do with them?
How does that fact that some women, if they are biblically faithful, will end up staying single affect your perception of the whole issue? What do you have to offer them?
What do you think is the place of single people in the church?
I know a lot of people think that it's weird that I'm still single. Most that do think it's weirder than I do. Some have said humorous things like, "Dan, what's wrong with you? Why aren't you married?" I laugh that off quietly as if it weren't a sober remark that silently cuts into the deepest part of my self perception and being. But overall I've been blessed. I'm surrounded by a lot of amazing married Christian people who have made me a part of their lives and their families. My friendships ran deep before most of them involved spouses and kids, and I'm able to function as a single people who has true community with others both married and single. I think the baby montage made that pretty clear. My church empowers me and lets me lead even though some are confused about my state. For the most part, I'm able to participate in my God-given tasks without much of a hitch. Like I said, I've been blessed.
But my mom's nearly 65 and she still doesn't have any grandkids. That's a tough burden to carry. I've got it pretty easy, imagine how some others feel.
I don't usually write blogs this clearly, so I hope you can take some of this stuff and consider it. I think the answers to some of the deeper questions here are pretty obvious for those who want to be God's bearers of good news. I hope they're obvious to you.
DK
In my experience, I've found that very few people actually have "this gift", and I'm not even convinced that based on 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 26:12-14 you can even call it a supernatural gift. Although I do concede that the Lord reserves some to be single that they might be more intently focused on doing kingdom work